Undecided

It’s been about 2 months since my raid team/guild fell apart (most people have left the guild now, except for one of the officers who has just came back within the last week, and a friend of mine who plays casually). 

It’s pretty lonely for me in WoW now. My bf doesn’t play anymore, there’s no-one in the guild really, so I find myself in game on my own an awful lot. I Really miss being part of an active guild that has people online. But most of all, I miss raiding. Oh my gosh I didn’t think I’d miss it this much. But I do. Though not the raid leading part!! Just getting in there and trying to figure out how to get the bosses down, and panicking that I’ll let people die due my cruddy healing. 

I have been looking to try and find a team to join, but my anxiety is getting the better of me. I have troubles with most social situations. Even though I outgear them, even just going in to the random heroic dungeon can set me off. I just panic that I won’t be good enough, that people will get shitty at me etc etc. If you have anxiety issues, you’ll get it. If you don’t, it’s a little difficult to explain why I can’t just shrug comments off and get over it. Unfortunately my brain doesn’t work that way.

What makes it worse is not being in an active guild now. I’ve fallen in to a bit of a self-pity-pit in WoW as a result of not being in an active guild. My courage to talk to people in game diminishes by the day. So even though I’ve found a couple of teams that might suit me ok, I end up chickening out from contacting anyone. 

I’ve been very lucky in the past – I’ve always been in guilds/raid teams with people I already know. I started playing WoW because my boyfriend played, so I just joined his guild. I would join them on their alt runs and eventually made it to their main raid team. But then that all fell apart. I moved servers with some friends from the guild who had the same issues I did with the guild and we formed our guild and raid team, but that fell apart, too. 

I’m just feeling miserable about things. I’m honestly on the verge of just giving up on the game all together. (which is why I haven’t actually done anything about starting my WoW-only blog). But at the same time don’t want to quit, because I enjoy it so much. I love the story and the challenges and just playing it. And I’m so looking forward to Warlods of Draenor. Also, I’m just a few achieves off the What a Long Strange Trip It’s Been achieve, and dammit I want that purple drake!!

I’m at an impasse, and I really just don’t know what to do. 

In the meantime, how awesome does my lock look? She dinged 90 a couple of weeks ago now. Turns out I can’t play her for shit, which I’m really disappointed about. But at least she looks good!

I think she looks awesome on the Ashes of Al’ar mount, too. 

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