cinder says

Lost

Lost

Cinder
3 minutes
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Truth be told, I’ve been feeling pretty lost in WoW lately. No, it’s not from lack of things to do, or not enjoying the game (because there is plenty to do, and I still completely love the game!). Once again it’s how I’m performing in raids. And it’s at the point where I’m seriously at a loss as to what to do, and wondering if I should even bother.

I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong anymore. Previously there would be all manner of excuses as to why my performance as a healer sucked – I didn’t have the right legendaries, group composition really makes a difference, I’m not using the right stats, I just need more gear blah blah blah. But whilst I don’t have all of the legendaries that I want to be using on my resto shaman, I do have some very good legendaries that should do just fine. And I have plenty of gear with the right stats on it (not that stats are supposed to matter all that much any more). I’m working my way to my 51st trait, which isn’t as high as others, but it’s still pretty high overall.

I’ve looked at logs and seen what talents people are using. I do know one big problem is that I don’t use Cloudburst Totem as a talent. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that it makes my framerate drop to 3 (and given my UI settings are already set to 3 in raids, I can’t drop it any lower – I have difficulty seeing some abilities as it is). So I can’t use it without it causing some issues. (I’m really hoping I’ll be able to buy a new PC in the near future!!) Might just have to try again.

I look at logs and I suppose a consolation is that Druids just seem to be kicking ass at the moment. And it also doesn’t help (me) that the other healers are just fucking awesome. I guess my problem is that I don’t know if it’s just me doing the wrong thing, or if it’s my class being lacklustre. It just feel like my heals don’t do a lot unless everyone stays low for an extended period of time. But they all get topped up so quickly, so my mastery doesn’t get a chance to kick in. This expansion was supposed to be about bringing back triage healing, but instead it seems the fights are just unforgiving – if people fuck up they get one shot, rather than just getting really low, allowing us to heal them back up again. It’s just back that old ping pong healer bars again, and as a shaman I just feel useless. I’m back to being a walking CD.

And I’m not writing this to get anyone to “fix” things for me or say things to make me feel better, I just need to get it out of my head. I can’t figure out if it’s going to get any better for me. And if it’s not, what does that mean? Do I just stop healing and go hit things instead? Or do I heal on a different class? What? I really am just feeling awfully lost. I found myself going back to this post where I was hypothetically thinking about what class I’d play if I couldn’t play my main and I landed on druid or mage. But what if it’s not the class? What if it’s just that I’m shit? Do I just stop raiding? I keep coming back to moments like this, and Bume is really lovely and helps me out, but I don’t feel like I’m getting any better. Instead I just feel like a burden.

It makes my brain hurt. And in the meantime I just feel really blah. So instead I’m bumming around levelling up an Alliance priest because their spells are pretty and it makes me feel better.

 

9 responses to “Lost”

  1. Spanky/kurnie Avatar
    Spanky/kurnie

    this isnt the first time you have been through this. its almost a copy of what you wrote back in HFC. i guess you need to look at why you play a healer & maybe accept that you have reached your player limit.
    when i played a hunter in raids, i was never the top. i could have the best gear, i could outgear others but i just had to accept the fact that i am only a average gamer. so i got better at doing mechanics.
    i guess im saying you need to evaluate your options. take off any rose colored glasses & be tough with yourself.
    also if the team is happy with you be happy. turn off recount or whatever you are using. focus on the game instead of the numbers.

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    1. Cinder Avatar
      Cinder

      Yeah I know I’ve been here before (and I probably will be again in the future!) I just always want to be doing better. The thing is for me, I *have* been at the top of the meters as a healer and as a dps in the difficult raids for multiple expansions, so it’s not unrealistic for me to expect to still be there now. Which is probably why this frustrates me as much as it does – I’m not a bad player (I’m not the best by any means, but I do know what I’m doing) so when it looks like I’m under-performing, it makes me feel bad.
      I’m not staring at the numbers on recount as a competition; I’m looking at them and wondering why it is that my CDs aren’t performing as well as others, and so on and so forth. And of course I know healing numbers don’t mean anything in a fight, I know that – it all comes down to mechanics, and I work my ass off on doing the right thing there, so I’m not worried about that either. I’m just trying to figure out how to be better is all .

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  2. wrathofkublakhan Avatar
    wrathofkublakhan

    If I may, this is a topic that I’m very interested in. It might be a question of perspective because, Logs be damned, a lot of what a healer does can go unnoticed nor can be quantified — as good as Warcraft Logs is with it’s measuring tools, each fight is it’s own little unit. There are stages of raiding: from lower gear progression to some gear known fights to big gear farm fights. Logs can not know which stage that you are on yet you and your team are successfully moving along from stage to stage. You are a valuable part of that. I am too.
    For my money, the only time to look at Logs is to find that fight where there is absolute failure which needs some dissection or when on farm when everyone knows their steps and you are competing for high numbers for fun (and that is the only time you look at numbers). Logs and Healers have a bitter history because they won’t tell you what people are doing in the fight; Healers are forced to burn their valuable resources and cooldowns — not on the designed slam or on hero, like the DPS guys, but on Fred getting caught in the fire. I might be the Healer with low numbers because I’m not willing to let Fred die, this is more important (to me) than having all my stuff lined up with the designed encounter to look pretty and right.
    Part of the fun of being a DPS is learning the fight and lining up all your stuff for the right time — and each fight is designed for that, your AoE cooldown lines up with the arrival of Imps; every time. Healers don’t work that way, we don’t see the same fight — while on top there is the Big Bad with an enrage, underneath that is Fred who always gets caught in the fire because he is always talking and not paying attention and someone has to sacrifice to take care of ol’ Fred, he’s part of the team too.

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    1. Cinder Avatar
      Cinder

      Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment. It actually helped me to feel better. To be honest, you didn’t say anything that I hadn’t thought already, but it was really, REALLY nice to hear someone else thinking the same thing. Logs are tough, I agree. And I’m not out to be at the top of the charts (and I don’t think that’s expected of any of our healers tbh). The reason I do look at the logs, though, is to see how I compare to other resto shamans, or to see what talents the top performers are using, or what legendaries etc, to see if I can do better on certain fights. Because you’re right – a healer’s experience of a fight is completely different to a dps. We may have the grandest of plans for our abilities and cooldowns, but if something unexpected happens and people drop all of a sudden, we have to do something about it then and there – we can’t sit there saying “I can’t use healing tide to fix this problem because we need it later”. Silly Fred standin in all the things! 😉

      But seriously, thank you for taking the time to comment 🙂

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  3. awesometrousersblog Avatar
    awesometrousersblog

    I know what you mean, Cinder. Back in vanilla I raided and me plus another Hunter were fighting for best class DPS. We delivered numbers as expected and all was good. I did not raid for the next expansions except for some casual runs every now and then. Later on I went on some more casual runs after finding the open raid site. I had good gear but were not delivering as expected. I got friendly advice from fellow players and read guides but did not improve as I should.

    As of now I have not spent a lot of time raiding. I’ve done some runs in EN and NH normal, though. I switched to Warlock with the launch of Legion to try something new, and with the combination of new class and not enough time to learn my class and put up the numbers I should I only sign up for casual Friday raids. I have to be honest with myself and if I can’t put in the time to get my job done I stay out.

    It’s not for me to say what you should or should not do. If you are motivated to fix the issue I’m sure you can do it. Look at what you realistically can expect from the class with the gear you have and double check logs to see where it can improve.

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    1. Cinder Avatar
      Cinder

      Classes changing a fair bit really does have an impact on how well we play them (or our enjoyment of playing them). I’m sorry you’re not finding yourself at the level you want to be.
      You hit the nail on the head with your last comment, though – it’s the root of my issue: Are my troubles stemming from a lack of skill and ability on my part, or is it limitations with my class (or something else)? I think I do mechanics pretty well (not perfect, but I know what markers to run to, which crystals to hide behind, I eat the cake and I die when/where I’m supposed to). All I can do is keep trying to get better. And if I’m not getting better and I’m a burden instead, then I’m sure my team will let me know. 🙂

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      1. awesometrousersblog Avatar
        awesometrousersblog

        My personal opinion is that if I do mechanics well, I have the correct priority on my stats and I push the correct buttons, there’s not much I can do if my numbers are less than optimal. Of course you can always fine tune, but you know what I mean.

        I did some M+ with my lock, with guild mates, and there was another Affliction lock there. My numbers were not as they should be. It was early on in the expansion and I had screwed up my stat priority. We compared and I were pretty close to him in regard to uptime on abilities so my lacklustre DPS and damage were due to bad choice of gear. If I were in some pug group I would probably be bombarded with n00b comments but thanks to my guildies it were troubleshooted.

        So, if your guild mates does not show the desire to remove you, keep working on what to do to improve and I’m sure it will get better. When I joined EN normal progression raids I were open about the fact that lock was new to me so bear with me. All was good and they appreciated that I let them know.

        Liked by 1 person

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  5. Eom of Silvermoon Avatar
    Eom of Silvermoon

    I do understand end-game raiding has an important role in some players’ enjoyment of WoW. Since I am not one of them, I can’t really provide any suggestions.

    I recently started healing in (low level) dungeons, in addition to my primary focus as being a DPS and then a tank. I can say I found healing enjoyable, relaxing and easier to focus than a tank or DPS, but I am sure things are a lot different at end game raiding, where you need to pay attention to more players an more things going around. But there are also moments when I feel if I should really be healing when I fail hard at healing in a slightly harder dungeon, in one of which I kindly left since I couldn’t heal fast enough.

    I think, and I am pretty sure you and other fellow players very well know, the game is about enjoying what you are doing. When what you are doing is no longer enjoyable or causing a frustration and stress it shouldn’t have, then it would be better to leave it or at least give a break to it and focus on other things.

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