On reflection

For a little while now I’ve been feeling myself drifting further and further away from World of Warcraft and the community. I can’t pinpoint the moment I started shifting, but I find myself now feeling oddly separated from everything. It’s like I went to a party and was having a great time, laughing and dancing with people, only to now find myself out on the front porch looking in at everyone else having fun and wondering when I stopped being one of them.

I suppose there have been a few things that have brought me here… it wasn’t just one thing… for the life of me I can’t even remember the order of anything! I think back on everything and wonder where the hell the past 2 years or so went.

I’d say big factor for my distance is that I stopped streaming. When we moved house last year we moved to a much larger place (thank goodness!) but the internet here is garbage at best. It’s intermittent, and even cuts out sometimes when it rains. I live in a major capital city in the world, it’s pretty abysmal. Anyway the point is that with such a terrible connection, I wasn’t able to stream. And whilst I only had a handful of followers, they were such lovely people and added an extra layer of enjoyment to the game. It was sad not seeing them in chat each week.

And then it seemed to be a quick succession of just general shit happened – COVID raged on and elections brought the out worst in people and fucking disgusting lawsuits pinned on a company that had, for the longest time, been a “dream job” organisation making us realise that nothing and no-one is exempt…. the constant community negativity… the guilt of continuing to play when others chose to step away… wanting to support those left behind but not wanting to diminish the experiences of the victims… the weight of it all. It leaked into the game and seemed to feed the hostility and frustration. I’m not sure the community has properly recovered from it. (And honestly, nor should it.)

Friends started leaving the game, or taking a break from it. Which was completely understandable, and I truly applaud those who walk away instead of staying and bitching when they’ve had enough of something. But I missed them, and it made the game feel different.

Then the guild started to crack, and one by one people left, until there was nothing and no-one left. People I had been friends with and playing with for years weren’t in my ears each week making me laugh and cringe and cry out in frustration. They were just gone, either to other friends or other games.

It’s funny because when I feel like rubbish and want an escape I go to WoW. But lately it just hasn’t been the right escape. Something’s not quite right. I feel disconnected from it. I’ve been so lucky and have found a really great new guild and raided heroic level for Sepulcher to get AOTC at least. I like them a lot. But it’s not the same and I don’t think it ever will be the same.

I suppose it’s the realisation that, for awhile there, I was part of something that was really special to me. But that time has passed and I need to stop pining for something that’s long gone. Because when it comes down to it, everything has changed – including me. And I need to look at everything in a different way.

The reason this sense of distance hit me recently was because of Dragonflight, the next WoW expansion. I am SO excited about it. How could you not be – THERE’S DRAGONS! And a new race/class combo that are also dragons! And they’re ranged and heals! Honestly, I’m just so darn excited.

DRAGONS!!!!!

I stayed up super late to catch the live announcement, but it was bittersweet because I did it alone. In the past there would have been a few of us nerds in discord, but this time it was just me. Even more exciting was pre-sales opening recently, which also gave us a ‘no later than’ release date of the end of this year! Again, totally pumped and put my pre-order in for the physical Collector’s Edition and went and got the in game goodies as well… but again, it was just me.

What I’m coming to realise now is that my time in WoW moving forward is not going to be what it has been in the past. There are parts of it that I’ll just experience on my own. And you know what, that’s ok. I still get to share my adventures with Thor (who patiently listens to me geek out, even though he doesn’t play at all anymore), and maybe it will encourage me to write in here more often so I can let some of the geek out. Maybe one day I’ll feel like I’m back inside at the party again, but maybe I won’t, and that’s just something I’ll have to get used to.

3 responses to “On reflection”

  1. Cymre Avatar

    You’re not alone. Sometimes it’s nice to get the words out in a blog post. xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sandy Avatar

    I feel the same, especially about the people. Miss the community of Realm, even the people that annoyed me often. Back on Saurfang in a guild with someone I raided with in Wotlk, but they are the only person I know and it just doesn’t feel the same. Like watching a group from the outside rather than being part of it. Anyone else from Realm in your new guild, or are they all separated?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cinder Avatar

      Unfortunately, noone from Realm in my new guild. But they really are a lovely bunch and I’m really looking forward to going into Dragonflight with them. They’re nice people and not toxic, which is just so refreshing. We’re on Frostmourne Alliance, and also there’s a Horde arm as well. They take (and encourage!) socials, so if you ever did decide to move guilds I’m sure they’d get you in. They’re also making a bunch of plans for Dragonflight so lots to look forward to.

      Like

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